We understand. You're desparately in need of help. You can't take it anymore. The bitch needs to die.
You want to kill your wife, but you just don't know where to start. You've come to the right place.
If its really your husband you want to kill, click here for "kill my husband"
Updates (if you've been here before)
Ok. We've been at this a while. We've been "researching". You know,
we got the dot com urge. We were going to make MILLION$. We haven't made any
money yet, but we've spent a ton on hosting fees and spent a bunch of time explaining
ourselves to the police. Somehow, they don't seem to get our humor. So
before we get arrested (again), we need to clear a few things up. (If you really love us you'll keep comming back, send
us suggestions and buy our tee-shirts. More on that later.)
We will NOT kill your wife for you!!
other internet companies have been able to get away with certain activities of
questionable legality for quite some time, the law does catch up with them
eventually. The penalties for murder being what they are, we decided that we
shouldn't try this. Not that there isn't a tremendous demand for the service, as
evidenced by just a few of the email's we've received:
I really wish you guys would get this site up....I am
running out of ideas and nothing has worked yet...I NEED HELP!!! Any recommendations
would be GREATLY APPRECIATED ASAP. Descrete, Life Ins., & Get aways readily available
HOW DO I SIGN UP?????!!!!!!!!
We met at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport and you mentioned you could help me in my
endeavors. Well I am now calling on your expertise. I need to know a soft,
quiet, inexpensive way to accomplish what we were discussing.
(We don't know who this person is, and we wonder just
who they did meet at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport)
Her names Melanie... How much?
2) We will NOT kill your wife for you!!!
know - the bitch needs to die. We understand. Believe us, we've been there. Oh, god
have we been there. And while we're on the subjuct we should point out that it
applies even more to ex-wives. But somebody got that name before us. Hopefully
they will do something clever with it (like offer it to us to take over). Anyway, we
are here to offer relief. Not permanant relief, but relief nonetheless. And we
will listen patiently to your gripes, complaints and general bitching, such as the
I'm sitting at the car dealer - it's 7:30 and we were
supposed to go together at 6:30. I tried calling her cellphone and workphone, but couldn't
reach her. She called me once in the past hour to tell me she was waiting - I had
meanwhile gone up on my own to save her time. Of course her work number didn't pick-up (it
rolls-over after 6:30) and her cellphone didn't work (her battery is dead since she never
So - I've wasted an hour of my life waiting for her; she's finally on her way after she
thought to finally try me again. She says it's just as much my fault - I told her she had
said there was no way she could be in the building after 6:30, so why would I work late
Just the usual problems - poor communication, no back-up plan, and I get shit for it!
I WANT TO KILL MY WIFE!
Now, can you see how lucky this poor
fellow's co-worker were? How many times have they had to listen to this stuff?
This time, we listened instead. You see, relief!! Thats what we're here for.
And you can send your gripes, etc. to us at firstname.lastname@example.org. You're
co-workers will thank you. Just remember that when you send it to us, its ours.
And we may choose to air you dirty laundry here so that others may find relief too.
We will NOT kill your wife for you!!
not professional hit men. Shit, we're not even professional web designers.
Well, yes we are. Sort of. (email
us if you're interested) But we are absolutely not
professional hit men. We're not even amateur hit men. We're not even men (all
of us). We don't even encourage you to kill your wife. Hopefully, after a bit
more research, we will determine if it is safe for us to encourage you to do
anything, legally speaking.
In the meantime, we encourage you to continue to send us
your comments, complains, and suggestions to email@example.com.
Remembering of course that 1) what you send us becomes ours and we may
use it, and 2) WE WILL NOT KILL YOUR WIFE FOR YOU. Ok, you can even send us naked
pictures of her blubbery fat butt, too, if you want.
We're here to help...
Dont worry, More is comming. We know you need it.
Oh, we almost forgot.
We've had a bunch of inquiries and we ARE working on tee-shirts.
We'll let you know when they're ready.
Other funny stuff
about killing wives (If you are a wife, you may not find this so funny!)
, The OJ Trial as
Told by Dr. Seuss.